iShuffle Scraps
by miseradreamer
Summary: Mostly Pezberry ficlet one-shots that were created whilst playing a game with Purrpickle. Put iPod on shuffle, put the song that comes up on repeat and write for 30 minutes. Good times. Will likely add more in the future.
1. A Rocket to the Moon: On Your Side

**On Your Side - A Rocket to the Moon**

She's got that look in her eyes again. I screwed up. I should've stood up for her in Glee, when everyone was rolling their eyes and telling her to sit down. I stayed quiet. I saw her look at me, pleading for me to say something. I didn't.

"How can you just let them say those things," she asks as I adjust the pillows on her bed and lean back against them, "I'm you're girlfriend, you're suppose to be on my side."

"I am on your side," I say, avoiding her eyes. I can't bear to see the disappointment in them. It hurts too much. I'm never good enough.

"Are you," she mumbles, falling onto her side of the bed and rolling away from me. I think she's crying, but I can't tell for sure. Still, it hurts more than seeing the disappointing look she gives me.

I sigh, rolling towards her and wrapping and arm around her, pulling her tight against me and pressing my lips to her ear, "Always. Sometimes I can't find the right words. Sometimes I don't know what to say. Sometimes I just don't realize I'm doing things wrong until the moment has passed. Then it's too late. But I'm always on your side, Rachel. No matter what."

She relaxes and there's a sniffle, a loud one, and her cheek is wet. Definitely crying.

"Everyone still thinks you hate me," she whispers and rests her hand on my arm around her.

"No one thinks that," I assure her, gently kissing her neck, "Everyone knows I love you."

She stiffens and I realize I haven't said that before, but I don't want to take it back. I feel like I should've said it a long time ago.

"You love me," she asks in the smallest of voices, twisting so she can turn to look at me with wide, swollen brown eyes.

"Duh," I chuckle, brushing the strands of hair caught in her tears.

"Me too," she smiles, then rolls her eyes, "I mean, I love you too."


	2. 3 Doors Down: Kryptonite

**Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down**

"You're Rachel Berry, you can do anything."

She says it like it's so simple to be me. Like I have the easiest of all lives to be lived. I wish I felt that way too. I wish I wasn't hugging my knees on the floor beside my bathtub, terrified about my future. Without NYADA, where am I supposed to go? All the plans that I have carefully laid out are circling the drain and I'm desperately trying to grab at the drops that are still left over.

The words are so easy to say, so everyone says them.

_You don't need NYADA!_

_You're better than them!_

_You can go straight to Broadway!_

_You're Rachel Berry!_

If I was so amazing I wouldn't have choked. If I was that good, I wouldn't be crying on my bathroom floor. I'm tired of having to pick myself up all the time. I'm tired of everything being so hard. I work and I work and I still get stomped on. Everyday I wonder in which way my dreams are going to be crushed.

Maybe it's time to give up.

"Rach, I'm coming in."

I can hear her voice, but really it seems so far away. She won't want me anymore. There's nothing to want. She thinks I'm so strong, that I can just lift my head and let everything brush off me. What is she going to think now? When she finds me cowering on the floor. Pathetic.

I hear the door open but I don't look. I squeeze my eyes shut and bury my face in my knees. She'll see what a failure I am and leave. Maybe she'll laugh too. Call me one of those names she used to call me. Maybe a new one.

I hear the soft patter of bare feet against the tile floor and then there's arms around me, squeezing tight. Hands in my hair, lips on my temple, cheeks, nose, and murmurs in Spanish that I can't understand.

It doesn't matter. She can't say anything that actually means anything. It's probably just the same words that everyone else has told me over and over again.

But then I hear it. A choke. Then there's a wetness on my forehead that I know isn't mine. I open my eyes and look because it's not what I was expecting. She's too tough all the time. But they're there. Tears, freely streaming down her face and she doesn't try to brush them away, embarrassed that she's showing emotion. She lets me see it.

"I'm so sorry, Rach," she says and she sounds even more miserable than I feel, "What can I do? Do you want me to kill her? I will kill her. You just say the word an' she be gone."

I stare back at her blankly for a moment, but I know she has me. I'm cracking. I can feel the twitching in my lips as I stare back at her stoic face. Then I break. Giggles erupting from inside me as I clutch on to her for all my life's worth and she does the same to me. I bury my face in her neck, rubbing my nose against her neck as I whisper, "Yes please."

She just knows. Santana Lopez always knows just how to fix me.


	3. The Beatles: I Want You She's So Heavy

**I Want You (She's So Heavy) - The Beatles**

She always seemed to realize it when Rachel was singing. Not when she was talking, or when she looked across the room at her in class. Only when she was singing. She was different when she was singing. Vulnerable. That was the word she was looking for. Not the obnoxious diva who seemed to make it her duty in life to drive the Latina insane, but this vulnerable little girl who was begging the world to love her with each note she belted out.

Santana tore her eyes from Rachel for a moment, just to gauge everyone else's reactions to the girl's song. She needed to know if they saw it too. Quinn was swaying, eyes fixated on Rachel, but her gaze wasn't on her, it was through her. She was lost in her own world. Brittany's grin was wide as her head bopped to the beat. She didn't see it either. Santana didn't know what Brittany was seeing, but it definitely wasn't the same. Kurt wasn't even looking at her. His eyes were on Blaine as he mouthed along to the words of the love ballad and pointed at his boyfriend, who was mimicking the motions. It left a bitter taste in Santana's mouth.

Then there was Finn. Staring at her boobs. Berry may not have been gifted in that department, but they were still there and that's where Finn's eyes were. He didn't see anything. What a perfect boyfriend.

Her eyes fell back onto Rachel. Rachel with her eyes shut as she begged for love and acceptance and no one else noticed.

And that's when she realized it every time. Just how bad she wanted Rachel Berry. How bad she wanted to tell her that she saw it.

But when the song ended and her pleading voice went away...

"Jesus Christ, Berry. Can't you give someone else a chance to butcher a song?"

...she managed to push the feelings away.

One day she would tell her. She knew it had to come out one day. These kinds of things always did. One day she would smack every single one of the Glee club members and ask them how they couldn't see. How could they be so blind that they don't see her there screaming at them. But she would tell her how she saw it every time. Then it would be her turn to beg.

Because she needed her just as bad. No. She needed her even more.


End file.
